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Home > Survival > The Oppossum Scandal
The Oppossum Scandal
Let me ask you a question. When is the last time you saw a live oppossum? You have never actually
seen a live oppossum? Well neither have I. I used to think nothing of it, but don't you find it strange
that all oppossums you see are dead? Why do they die? How do they die? Well after doing no
research at all, I have figured out all these answers and more.
First of all, what do all the dead oppossums you have seen have in common? They were all
hit by a car. Every oppossum you will see will be ran over, garunteed! "Big deal rhavok, they are dumb
animals, what are you getting at?" Oh no my friend, no species of animal is dumb enough to watch thier
friend get ran over by a car, then play in traffic.
The reason why they play in traffic is simple. Major car companys created this animal
years ago with one purpose and one purpose alone. To damage your car!! Thats right, if the oppossum
damages your car enough, you have to buy a new one. Everytime a oppossum hears a car coming, he
throws himself into the car, its in his nature, he knows no different. Some of the larger oppossums in southern
Brazil actually hi-jack the car and drive it into a big rock or off a cliff. So now you have no car left. You are
forced to buy a new one, and give the car company more of your hard earned money for another car that will eventually
be oppossum-jacked and destroyed. Its an endless cycle.
"How do I protect my car from these savages?!" I wish I had an answer but I don't. I will have to do more
research, but until I find the answer, the only safe way to get around is to walk.
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